1. |
Wages Of Fear
03:11
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I breed serpents from my wounds of uncertainty;
Suffering is all I know.
I am trapped by the unknown;
I’m a captive of my skull.
I’ve come to think my anxiety
Is just a beast I cannot beat.
They come for me, these memories,
Those monstrous and haunting dreams.
Worked as a slave, I labored in pain.
All of this life was just in vein.
The burden’s the same, no it will not change,
As I toil for all of your Wages Of Fear.
Come for me, Anxiety,
In the heart and where I breathe.
Racing thoughts and haunted dreams,
In the dark, I can’t sleep.
Choking as I am now drowning
In the oceans of my despair.
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2. |
Armored
03:28
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I wear a mask to cover my face from
The rain of toxic messages that poison truth.
Leveraged from lost symbols, these threads
Shelter the broken.
Hate guides and shapes.
Wait for the bodies to break.
There is no hope for me to mend.
I just try to prepare myself for the end.
Protections derived from symbols distorted.
I can’t survive; I must don my armor.
Artwork does not reveal
The connotations attached;
We are no longer real.
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3. |
Liar
05:46
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I never learned to sing
The words that I knew true.
In my thick skull they would ring,
Kept from but few that I knew.
Haunted by messages
That cried out from within,
The lonely silence was,
It was my greatest of sins.
These vile secrets corrode my soul.
I am scarred by the untold.
Now the Liar takes hold.
Spinning, weaving, molding
The web of my lies.
Holding, melting, breaking-
This is breaking my device.
Sinking, choking, screaming-
I'm drowning inside.
Gnawing, clawing, teething-
Teething the chains that now bind.
I am blind to a way out;
These lies I can’t do without.
Repressed, I bite my tongue.
By my lies, now I am hung.
Hold onto the hope
Of a new approach.
I burn the rope
That bids me choke.
Spinning, weaving, molding
The web of my lies.
Holding, melting, breaking-
This is breaking my device.
Sinking, choking, screaming-
I'm drowning inside.
Gnawing, clawing, teething-
Teething the chains that now bind.
I am blind to a way out;
These lies I can’t do without.
Repressed, I bite my tongue.
By my lies, now I am hung.
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4. |
The Crimson Door
02:25
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When you painted The Crimson Door,
You did not cover up the memories.
I saw you leave.
Your pain would always see my sympathy.
I’d watch you drown and bleed.
I had no choice but to bear your shameless misery.
I did not know if you’d ever come back to me.
Would I see your blue eyes again?
When you are old and withered,
Will you remember the dark times
When you left me crying,
Afraid to turn off the lights?
So now we step out from
The smoke and the ashes.
The fire is gone inside;
We can no longer heal.
So now I step out from
The smoke and the ashes.
I am now dead inside.
I can no longer feel.
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5. |
Bodies
04:39
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Tighter and tighter it begins to wind.
The longer I suffer, the more that I find.
Tension to seduction, a lustful embrace.
Caressed by notions of gender and race.
Symbols of a memory attacked,
From those notions I detach.
A formal state of guided disguise:
In this body, I am a lie.
A sickening compulsion now guides me to leave.
My new addiction is discovery.
I spent my memories transgressing foul ways,
Inhaling noxious lies, the smog, and the hate.
All those frameworks helped me
Suppress my truth’s memories.
I spent my score breathing,
Inhaling noxious lies.
Symbols of a memory attacked,
From those notions I detach.
A formal state of guided disguise:
In this body, I am a lie.
Unknowing the boundaries shared
Led from those limits there.
I conjure the truth I see;
There are only words and Bodies.
Force fed restriction,
I swallowed as not to choke.
I thirsted for those colors,
But in ocean blue I drowned.
Cohorts maim and claw at
Voiceless, coerced bodies,
Molded to the mannequin
Of her perception.
My other side is now broken;
Coerced, the patriarchy **** my form.
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6. |
Angels
04:30
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Split in two, I feel myself corroding.
No one knew the lies I had been holding.
A taboo restriction on the intersection.
No need to choose a side—you’re already in line.
Awoken by an unfortold beauty,
Disguised by an imposed symmetry
Veiled in the formal divine I was denied.
If I embrace the other side,
Will I become an Angel?
Preconceived foul sickness,
Born of the conformed,
Foreshadows Vile bleakness,
Slaughtering the deformed.
Awoken by an unfortold beauty,
Disguised by an imposed symmetry
Veiled in the formal divine I was denied.
If I embrace the other side,
Will I become an Angel?
They’ll try to conform you,
****, and take us too.
This stigma in the mind
—Hate—is my demise.
No words that can describe
One hundred years of lies.
All beauty is demise;
They can’t hear our cries.
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7. |
Vile
07:41
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I am the worst of all.
They can’t hear me when I call.
Surrender to the hate I knew,
I maim and claw for my Vile flaw.
I can’t cope with this hate;
I turn to the beckoning blade.
Each breath is a dance with addiction,
One bloodied step from forgone remission.
I am the worst of all.
They can’t hear me when I call.
Surrender to the hate I knew,
I maim and claw for my Vile flaw.
I desire to purge and remove
The neurotic blood they had once transfused.
Called by the old timeless reflection,
The metallic desire awakens.
Cohorts from inside
**** and fuck the mind.
Trembling, the pain divides.
Suffering, I fall behind.
I am the worst of all.
They can’t hear me when I call.
Surrender to the hate I knew,
I maim and claw for my Vile flaw.
The paranoia claws its way through my core;
The burning seeps out of my pores.
The loathing of myself is greater than all hope.
I must now abandon illusions of control.
Coercive knowing vows to comfort me,
To wrap me in a crimson embrace.
Disgusted, hateful, and uncertain,
In a bloody salvation, I must now believe.
I slip the steel across the skin.
I try to stop; my will is thin.
The pain subsides, now, if for a while,
But then again, I feel so Vile.
Tomorrow comes, tomorrow goes,
Still I am all-alone
Trapped in the darkness I’ve
Come to call my home.
I don’t want this to end;
I just tried to make a stand.
Destiny I can see,
As my scars reclaim me.
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8. |
Ashes
08:23
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I use my hatred to destroy the self.
Through this pain I will join the collective.
I long for a chance for hope,
To see more than the Ashes.
Beyond cremation, my memories are a corpse.
When I said goodbye, did I destroy the truth?
I long for a chance for hope,
To see more than the Ashes.
I wait for the pain to come
And wash away the embers and Ashes.
My tears are the rain carried
By my words to the ocean.
Hold onto the hope of solace,
That my wages are more than the Ashes.
Ashes
I wait for the pain to come
And wash away the embers and Ashes.
My tears are the rain carried
By my words to the ocean.
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9. |
Quiet
06:08
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I have lost myself to the desperation I have felt,
The dream of an obliterated self.
Glory can’t tolerate my silence.
Glory won’t touch me if I’m Quiet.
I had a dream of an angelic, formless body.
Out from these ashes I will now rise.
I will now rise.
Glory can’t tolerate my silence.
Glory won’t touch me if I’m Quiet.
Glory won’t touch me if I’m Quiet.
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Ryan Loftus Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
From Pennsylvania, Ryan Loftus is a musician, songwriter, and producer performing in the styles of death metal, metalcore, folk rock and progressive metal. Ryan is also a writer and photographer.
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